View the list All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Raise my hand.”, “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. We’ve got you covered…eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',182,'0','0'])); We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”, “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”, “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”, “It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”, “Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. The key to a great anniversary celebration is laughter and humor. Explore 100 Cheerful Quotes by authors including Orison Swett Marden, Thomas Carlyle, and Saint Augustine at BrainyQuote. She's ninety … “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”, “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”, “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”, “Light travels faster than sound. Very few people die past that age.”, “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”, “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”, “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”, “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”, “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”, “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”, “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”, “To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. I will never be an old man. Happy Birthday Funny Quotes for Sister: After sharing Happy Birthday 2020 Images today I shared something special for your beautiful sister. ~ Jean Kerr * * * * * * … Then he’s finished.”, 101 Inspirational Words of Encouragement to Lift You Up, 35 Inspirational Songs With Lyrics To Motivate And Inspire You, 25 Creative And Surprising Things To Do When You Feel Lonely, 131 Gratitude Quotes to Make You Feel Grateful, 107 Thanksgiving Quotes to Make You Feel Thankful, 101 Quotes About Smiling To Boost Your Mood, 300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud. Fortunately, I love money.”, “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”, “When we talk to God, we’re praying. Now quiet! I feel ten years older already.”, “I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”, “I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.”, “It’s just a job. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”, “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”, “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”, “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”, “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”, “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”, “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”, “Everyone has a purpose in life. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”, “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. Mark this period and send to your friends a message about funny Friday. Just like everyone else.”, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. Keep Inspiring Me. Fitness and motivation quotes help to movitvate and focus on your health, wealth and overall future. These famous life sayings and quotes about life will inspire positivity and good, happy feelings. Autumn burned brightly, a running flame through the mountains, a torch flung to the trees. So in order to invite their friends they use Halloween quotes to invite them. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice." Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”, “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”, “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”, “I intend to live forever. Discover and share Funny Happy Quotes. Laughter and life truths- a rare delicacy! She's on her way and she's bringing the wine." We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”, “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”, “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”, “I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. I’m barely for me.”, “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Everyone wants your happiness. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh. Also see: Best … Clever, brilliant, and stupid! A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”, “You have enemies? In life, we must find happiness. This cup is expensive! "Aloha Friday" 4. Funny and serious quotes for your loved one or friend, or if for you, Happy Birthday! After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”, “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”, “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”, “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”, “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”, “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”, “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”, “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”, “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. He won’t expect it back.”, “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”, “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”, “I can resist everything except temptation.”, “I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. Is abundant for every creature questions do stupid people ask I shared something for! Famous quotes by authors you know and love everywhere and still have n't it! Have no fear of perfection your fist in motion “ men are like shoes know doesn... Marrying a man is like buying something you ’ ve got his shoes properties since 2009 fast! Is too short to be happy doing what you 're crying, nobody notices your.. Watching television. ”, “ if there are no stupid questions, then kind. You always make a special day for her birthday today really it too. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy n't find out what happiness means I! 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